One Shade Creepy [FIFTY SHADES OF GREY Film Review]

When I decided to watch fifty shades of Grey, I knew I was in for a crappy experience but I took the challenge because I thought it’d only be right if I wanted to call myself a ‘critic’ – of sorts.

It was the most ridiculous thing I’ve watched and that’s saying a lot since I’ve seen a lot of crappy films. Apparently, this one does not even compare. I thought I was going to mostly see nauseating ‘love scenes’, if you could call it that, and I was mostly right but other than that, the plot was so freaking ridiculous.

I mostly felt sorry for the girl, Anastasia, because she didn’t know what she was going into and maybe somewhere in her universe she’d seen Twilight and thought she was going to get her Edward Cullen with Mr. Billionaire but all he got was a psychopathic sex junkie who introduces her into the world of ‘Dominant’ and ‘Submissive’, which in my opinion is a load of BS.

It was disgusting, to say the least, and it wasn’t even because of the bondage thing they did, it was because girls all over the world were calling the film ‘romantic’ just because the guy was masked with wealth and an attractive face. Take those expensive clothes, the money and his pretty face and everyone would be calling him for what he is – a psychopath.

Watching the film reminded me of this crime show on BIO called ‘Cassanova Killers’ where different attractive rich guys are featured every episode and a narrator tells the tale about them murdering their victims, mostly girls, after seducing them – murdering them for what reason, I don’t know – and as I kept watching, I just kept thinking that Christian Grey might as well be one of them.

It wasn’t romantic at all. It was alarming and most of the time I kept hoping that by some miracle the story would change and Anastasia would, for the love of God, pick up the phone and call the cops!

Of course, no matter how many times I wished for her to be sensible and no matter how many times I rolled my eyes, or groaned in frustration, or scream in disbelief, I learned that she might just be really dumb when it comes to guys.

After watching the film, girls all over the world probably started wishing to find their ‘Christian Grey’ and I hope to God they don’t ever find him because from where I’m standing, nobody deserves to be with a person who practices the ‘Dominant-submissive’ thing because it is just plain wrong.

And from where I’m standing, I only saw one shade of Christian Grey – a masochistic asshole.

 

[written by: Cathrene Joseph]

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